Friday, 9 April 2010

The Things Men Get Away With

I do apologise guys but I'm selling you out a little here, in order to find out just why some women are fruit loops.

So I'm rolling down the road, well I can't exactly call it walking now can I, minding my own business. Next to me is my partner and child as we walk home from picking up the groceries. What can possibly happen here? My partner is dressed in a lovely dress but it's not revealing or provocative, it simply works her natural assets. I look to my right and see a common sight, a guy with his jaw falling out of the car window and onto the road. Fortunately for him he was stuck in traffic otherwise the concrete of the road would have given him serious friction burns on that hanging mouth of his. This is standard fare and has always been the case since day one and really doesn't bother me. That isn't what I noticed the most though, what I noticed was the fact that he wasn't the only one in the car.

As I look past the driver, I find to my slight surprise, his significant other. However then as I looked closer I got an even bigger shock, this girlfriend/wife/lover/whatever was making dagger eyes in my partners direction. I don't just mean a slight glare, I mean "I'm going to find some sharp object in this here glove compartment and drive it into any exposed part of your body and if I can't find said exposed part, I'll take my chances with a covered area!" This woman was hopping mad whilst her drooling man, who was probably at this point suffering lock-jaw continued dribbling to the point that he failed to realise the car was moving.

So here is my question to the women out there...

Why does the woman in the car blame the woman on the pavement (sidewalk for the Americans) who is pushing a baby in a buggy? Why does she not spin around and yell at the letch also known as her man in a style resembling something out of The Exorcist? Or alternatively play it cool, say nothing and if it bothers her that much, deprive him of sex until a time where she feels that his balls have turned blue enough to make him desperately apologetic. Instead it seems that women innocently leaving the house aren't actually allowed to because certain men cannot control their genitals and their women cannot keep them in check.

It's a funny old world.

Thursday, 8 April 2010

The Day Suge Knight Briefly Stopped Being Satan

It's no secret that I'm a wanna-be black man from California. My favourite artist growing up and still today was Tupac Shakur, so given his rumoured involvement in the killing of this rap legend, Suge Knight has never been on my list of tolerated celebrities. Yet now he is about to step into a Miami Court to sue Kanye West for $1million (£662,000) compensation after he was shot in the leg at a party organised by West in August 2005.

Go get him Suge.

Now don't get me wrong, I still hate Suge. The fact that he was declared bankrupt in 2006 and couldn't avoid being found guilty of assaulting his girlfriend in 2009 made me a happy midget. He's been to prison for drug offences yet I am sure there are many things that he's also not been caught for. I have no time for him and it's good to see that he has not managed to get away with everything in his life.

I used to be a Kanye West fan, I bought his music and I thought he really was the future of rap which is a genre that I feel has seriously declined in quality over recent years. Then he became a conceited freakshow of a man who almost began to develop a bizarre God complex about himself and his music. I'm no Taylor Swift but his public humiliation of what was essentially a young girl was disgraceful. The man thinks he is beyond reproach and frankly I'm tired of him. His music has gone from the good to the just plain odd as I'm convinced his overconfidence in his abilities has warped his precious little mind.

It's time that Mr West's ego took a hit and if it means it's got to be at the hands of Satan Knight then so be it. You need to learn Kanye that life doesn't always go your way and that if you make a mistake, there ARE consequences. You're not a God even if Suge does blow the money on drugs, sex and whatever else, at least you'll finally know what it's like to lose.

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

The Sex Appeal Of A Telephone Booth?

Now I am open minded about a lot of things but since when has a telephone booth conjured up images of sex? It's not like you can easily fit more than one person in them after all. Unless you're a midget like me...Hm, I'm getting ideas now...

Ahem, excuse me I got distracted. Before anyone gets too worried about my sanity, I am actually talking about the brand new series of Doctor Who and the criticisms it had received about it being too sexy. Complaints were made to the BBC about the TARDIS which has taken the form of a police telephone box since the 1960s and how it has been 'sexed up'. I am intrigued as to how you sex up a phone booth, cover it in lace and leave whips, chains and other apparel lying around inside? Then there were the slightly more plausible raised eyebrows over the Doctor, played by Matt Smith, having a companion called Amy Pond (Karen Gillan) who spent some of the episode dressed up in a 'sexy' police kissogram outfit. Complaints were levelled at the writers for ruining Doctor Who by focussing on tarty women and implications of nudity, such was the 'outrage'.

Maybe I missed this hardcore porn movie that occured before the watershed last Saturday night because that's not what I saw. In fact, I barely took any notice of Amy Pond, the TARDIS swimming pool and the Doctors nudity which was actually merely a shot of his torso. It's a little flesh and innuendo people, there were no nipples, cocks, balls or anything else which could be seen to be even hinting towards any of the characters getting down and dirty. It actually makes me sad that parents are that uncomfortable about the content of the episode and the message that sends out to their children. If there are questions raised around the dinner table about why Amy Pond couldn't take her eyes off the 'naked' Doctor, be a responsible parent and explain it rather than rushing off to mutate into a Keyboard Warrior wasting their time raging about something that's been and gone.

Personally I'm more concerned about the fact that David Tennant is no more.

Credit: The Daily Telegraph for the original story.

Sunday, 4 April 2010

Can't We Ban Bigots From Politics?

Can anyone that might have found their way to this blog, please tell me what year this is? Am I right in thinking that it is 2010? Thanks to the Shadow Home Secretary Chris Grayling, I am beginning to become confused as to whether this really is the 21st Century or in fact, the Dark Ages.

You see Mr Grayling believes that it is appropriate for Bed and Breakfast establishments to ban homosexual couples from staying at their premises, in the interests of protecting the "genuinely held principles of faith groups". Our illustrious Shadow Home Secretary then went on to take a double standard view on the matter by suggesting that hotels should not take such an action and that he wasn't looking for a legal change. Thank you for your somewhat backwards and sideways movement on the issue Mr Grayling.

In the modern times that we live in, I find it astounding that such a tired old philosophy should be even considered as valid. The 'Pink Pound' (a term used for the purchasing power of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered community) should be just as acceptable as that of the heterosexual community in any industry here in the United Kingdom as well as the world. A member of the public who decides to open up their home as a Bed and Breakfast should be willing to accept the fact that anybody regardless of gender, race, religious belief or sexuality could be a customer in their home. A same sex couple has every right to go where they please, they are human beings who do not deserve to be treated like lepers and especially not in a time where we should be much more informed, educated and appreciative of those around us. My general stance on this remains the same, homosexuality should not have such an impact on members of the heterosexual community. Just because you have a same sex couple staying in your home, does not mean that they are going to leave their doors wide open for everyone to see them committing sex acts, nor are they going to attempt to force you into bed in the hopes of turning you. Does the world really still have such old fashioned fears and concerns?

If Mr Grayling is representative of the Tory party perspective on the GLBT community, then I personally am extremely concerned about the alternative to this currently failing Labour government. As a disabled person I am acutely aware of discrimination and it is worrying to see such an archaic viewpoint taken by a member of the opposition. Of course Mr Grayling will be feeling potentially uncomfortable by the release of his quotations, given that he didn't actually mean or want them to be heard. Thanks to The Observer newspapers secret recording of the Shadow Home Secretary, we are now painfully aware that such disgraceful views are alive and well in the modern political arena. Which leads me to ask that if Bed and Breakfast owners should be able to ban same sex couples from their home, does that mean we can start banning bigots from politics and positions of power?

Ah the joys of living in the Dark Ages.

Credit for the original story: BBC News

A Rambling Midget?

If I was a product, I could probably be accused of false advertising. Technically I am not quite a midget, in fact I'm probably more an imp than anything else. No not even that, what I actually am is a 31 year old guy in a wheelchair because of a condition called Brittle Bone Disease that's made me a little on the short side. It's not a disability that I suffer from, it's one I live with. Too many times people fail to realise just how short life is and spend the majority of it whining and complaining about the hand dealt to them. For me, it's just a case of using four wheels instead of two legs, everything else and yes I do mean EVERYTHING else, still works so where's the problem? I hate to sound like some kind of sex obsessed freak but it does make me smile when people look at you with complete and utter shock when you tell them that you've fathered two children. While the wheelchair has sometimes been a little restrictive, it doesn't make you sterile, impotent or generally broken, an old wives tale that still seems to exist in the modern day world. I'll come back to that one later.

I am an IT professional, well apparently so according to my pass card that I use every day to clock into the office. I have a passion for Psychology which I am hopefully at some point going to complete my degree in...There's a frightening mix of people, an IT technician blended with a wanna be shrink, scary huh? I like to do everything else that most folks do, drink, scream like a madman at my favourite football team (soccer for you Americans), West Ham United, socialise and try to be creative whenever I can. The rest of me will become obvious through the posts ahead all being well although if you don't approve of a midget laughing at himself and at times the rest of the world, then this could be a bumpy ride.

Hold on tight, because here we go!